I love holidays: the smell of pumpkin everything, time to be with family, and a time to exercise that gratitude muscle a little more than normal. As I write, I have just put out fall decorations, with candle lit, and warm coffee in hand. While I love most aspects of holiday seasons, I understand that this can be a really difficult time for others. 

I am thankful to have grown up in a home that did not have the presence of diet culture. On my own, I came to learn that how I look is the least important thing to the Creator of the universe. Unfortunately around this time of year, that isn’t the case for many. You may be dreading the next family get-together or hoping for a break with friends, only to be greeted with the next diet someone has just begun. And for that, my heart breaks and I am so sorry. 

I work with clients who struggle with the stronghold of eating disorders and holidays are a very triggering time. We spend time in sessions coping ahead for how to redirect conversations, advocate for themselves, and still nourish themselves. If only we could all visibly see the pain it causes others when we make food judgments or fat shaming comments. With or without an eating disorder this is unhelpful, and I can only imagine what the Father is thinking. He created us for abundant life. He wants us to look and hear another person and see the image of God. No body is a bad body because that body is created in the image of your Heavenly Father.

That being said, if you are struggling from an eating disorder, disordered eating or trying to break free from the chains of diet culture, it can be really hard to know how to respond when others make triggering comments. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Change the conversation: This can be most helpful when you’re around extended family/acquaintances and would rather not share details about your relationship with food. 

2. Curiosity: This may be for the person you trust or feel comfortable with. 

   • “Why do you think that food is bad? I actually heard that food isn’t inherently bad or good and when we judge it, it can make us feel bad or good. Plus, has there ever been a diet that actually lasts long term?”

3. Advocate: When the whole family is about to do the keto diet before Christmas and enough is enough. It can be healthy to push back against culture- with grace, of course. 

   • “Diets don’t work. And they don’t positively contribute to my relationship with food. I understand that you are trying to improve your health, but I believe there are better, more lasting ways to do it.”

4. Make a joke: Sometimes, you just have to make light of the situation. With a good sense of humor, others will know where you stand and it doesn’t require a lengthy conversation. 

   • “I thought the only bad food was expired food!”

   • “If you put yourself in jail, all you’re gonna wanna do is get out!”

5. Leave the environment. When times are hard, just walk away. That’s okay. Go outside for some fresh air, do a quick meditation, or call a friend. 

And for those of you who may not struggle with disordered eating or eating disorders, please know that you can have a big impact on your family and friends by what you say or don't say.  

Do Not:

1. Label food as good or bad; healthy or unhealthy.

2. Comment on body weight, shape or size (yours or anyone else’s).

3. Talk about compensating for meals or snacks. E.g. “I’m going to need to run this off tomorrow”

4. Use language around calories, fat, carbs, or portion sizes.

Do:

1. Comment on sensations you experience around the food including: flavors, texture, spice, temperature, visual appeal, smell, etc. 

2. Compliment someone’s personality, character, integrity, or any other genuine qualities. 

3. Engage in conversation that has to do with mindful movements or new hobbies. 

4. Talk about anything else, except judgmental comments or conversations about food or body.

Holidays mark new seasons and I believe now is a great time to consider what you want this season to look like: what conversations you want to have. It’s so easy to let the harsh words of diet culture enter our world and influence our speech, but they don’t have to. And for those of you struggling with recovery, know that you have a voice, too, and I hope you find the strength to use it. Every time we speak, we have the option to speak life. So I pray this season, we speak a little less about diets, and a little more about life and peace and grace to one another. 

Want more?

Food Freedom Bible Study is now available for individuals and Registered Dietitians who want to earn CEU’s. It’s a simple, online, gospel-centered program for breaking the bondage of food, exercise and body issues.